As a male, I have to say I do not understand your fear, although the reality of it is obviously debilitating.
While we know that fear is an irrational response, there are also valid reasons why it exists as a coping mechanism.
I’m grateful that you discovered an antidote, however infrequently it may occur, to your ongoing anxiety.
Being outdoors and connecting with nature and like-minded people should continue to help you grow in trust and peace.